These old school Gwyneth pictures are so funny – she looks like a Molly Ringwald nemesis in a John Hughes movie. So effortlessly exclusive. I so wish I was old enough to be her friend when she was at Spence, though of course, that would mean that now I’d be, like, old. Ew.
Oh, and here’s Bee Shaffer, fourteen and freshly beautiful as always. Though in the “outtakes” page, she does seem to be the only girl incapable of making a funny face. Early coaching from Demarchelier, no doubt…
ps – see Eva, two can play at this game.
Yesterday Eva and I were watching Yo Mama on MTV. It reminded me so much of what we used to do at school, like when you say, “Oh, Eva, you look cute – very Aspen,” it means, “Eva, why are you wearing J. Crew?” I guess I learned it from my mom and how she talks to other moms. Like how the Apple doesn’t fall far from the iPod or whatever.
So then Wilmer Valderamma said Yo Mama was coming to New York and I was like, we have to enter. We can totally win. So I started coming up with my own…
Yo Mama’s so tacky, she thinks that Coco Chanel is a candy bar.
Yo Mama’s so suburban, she thinks that Burberry is a new flavor of syrup at IHOP.
Yo Mama’s so dirty, when she walks into Cornelia Day Spa, they think she’s already had a mud bath.
Yo Mama’s so huge, the only runway she can walk down is the one at Sakorski for private jets.
Yo Mama’s so clueless, she thinks My Chemical Romance is a rehab center.
Right? We would totally win.
A report from 4th grade that my stepmom faxed over as a joke. alas no mention of Kirsten
Last night Sebastian took me out to dinner at La Esquina, which was nice.
Then he asked me a question, which was not so nice.
“Are you afraid of how you’ll look on TV?”
“I don’t know, like, if my outfits translate well on camera?”
“No, like, when you pushed Jenny into the pool, and when you told Eva she looked ugly in your dress…”
Okay, I never said she looked ugly. I said I looked better. Huge difference. Anyway yeah I guess I am a little worried but I wasn’t until Sebastian brought it up!
Then I stressed out and thought wait, if I look like a bitch on TV, will I ever get a movie deal? So I’, made a quick list of women who were nasty on TV and went onto better things… Sebastian says always make a list when you’re stressed, which is so funny because that’s what I do too. Are we destined to be together? Ha. But I did make a good list…
Mean Girls Made Good (the TV issue)
Kristin Cavalieri on Laguna Beach
Elyse on Top Model Season 1
Lauren Conrad on The Hills
Mischa on The OC
Oh my gosh I am so going to be famous…!
So I was dating this guy.
That’s how most of these will start. Hi, too. I’m Sophia.
So I was dating this guy. He was a “throwback”, that’s an Eva term, like “throw him back, he’s not the one!” And yeah she was right, he wasn’t a keeper – I won’t say why, except I was bored and it wasn’t right. But before, when we were dating, one night or I guess it was one morning, I rolled over and he was already dressed and almost gone.
And he goes “Sophia. What do you do all day?” And I was still in bed so I just laughed at him, but then after brunch with Eva, I went home and made a list because I was so pissed at him. It was like, What Sophia Does,
1. Counsels latest stepmom through latest fertility treatment.
2. Counsels real mom through latest “bad energy” cycle; adjust feng shui in her closet as needed
4. Date guys. See beginning of blog.
5. Go on auditions. Okay, audition. So what, some people go their whole life without a single audition!
6. Make lists. Apparently.
So anyway I did throw back the guy, because he made some offhand comment about one of the Hearst girls that I thought was rude, but I’m still letting him get to me. Like honestly, what do I do? And don’t say “you take modern art theory at the New School” because really I just sit next to Olivia Palermo and pass notes all class and there’s no use pretending otherwise. Because if I do school stuff for another two years, I’ll die. So if you know what I should do with my life, post it here and I’ll review.
Oh wait, I have one more to add to the list:
7. Go see Marie Antoinette with Eva and Jenny. We’re so excited. We’re going to sneak champagne into the movie theatre in Snapple Bottles and also eat cupcakes. We thought it would be ironic. Okay, Jenny thought it would be ironic, I was like, whatever honey, just tell me where to go. But if Kirsten gets her head cut off, I’m all for that.
I mean, then there will be a little more room for me, and that’s the whole point. Anyway, Kirsten doesn’t really need her head anymore- she lost it the minute she broke up with Jake Gyllenhaal anyway.
I mean, when I meet Jake Gyllenhaal – well, I will not post any more stories that start with “so I was dating this guy.” That’s for damn sure.