(Dear Nora Ephron, I am cuter than Meg Ryan… plus my lips are real)
So I think I’ve found my next acting role.
Next. First. Whatever.
Anyway. Now that The O.C. is finished, Josh Schwartz is making a new show for the C.W. based on Gossip Girl, the books that were supposed to be a movie starring Lindsay Lohan that never really happened.
And of course, I must play the main gossip girl, Serena Van Der Woodsen. Because 1) whomever gets to play her will skyrocket to Mischa-like status 2) being rich and beautiful and a little bit oblivious is sort of my deal anyway 3) Now that I’ve already inspired a perfume, there’s really nowhere else to go but a series of Keds Ads followed by an icky rock star boyfriend, too many fashion week appearances, and Rachel Zoe on speed dial.
So Josh. Sign me up, okay? Please?!
Aaah! Finally back from Palm Beach with my ridiculous family (not even my real family, half of them are step and the other half I’m like praying I’m not actually related to. And Palm Beach is soooo boring, not at all like Sunset Heat).
Anyway, of course the first thing I grab is Page Six (okay, cheating, I don’t grab it, our housekeeper Vera leaves it out on the table with breakfast…) and it has this thinly veiled guessing game… which of course I’ve decided to keep guessing on. What do you guys think?
WHICH ubiquitous blond clotheshorse is gaining a reputation for being dumb as a brick, obnoxious, spoiled and hard to work with? Look for several business deals to fall through next year due to her waning appeal
(um, Paris, Sienna, Ashley Olsen?)
WHICH terrifyingly thin celeb convinced friends she needs to re-enter rehab for anorexia by telling them she survives on decaf Starbucks and mixed nuts?
(um, Nicole, Kate Bosworth, MK?)
WHICH back-stabbing friend of an overly publicized starlet is on retainer at a high-selling tabloid? When she’s not trying to copy the star or steal her boyfriends, she’s selling secrets to the rags.
(see, this one is good…)
(watch Sunset Heat TV instead!)
Thank you for the incredible New Year’s card. I know it’s supposed to be for Chinese New Year and not regular New Year, but that sort of makes it even better.
I really don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t met you this year, and I hope you don’t totally regret me dragging you on TV in Sunset Heat.
Okay, but speaking of TV, I heard that Jenny invited you to go to MTV for New Year’s with her.
True? Am I seriously going to be watching you with Eva on TRL in the near future?
OMG, so unfair. Plus, would that make you her New Year’s DATE?
Call me, we really have to talk.
Coolest news ever: the Victoria and Albert museum in London is hosting a Kylie Minogue exhibit next year.
This should be pretty amazing – last year they did an Anna Piaggi exhibit – and I really hope Kylie herself shows up to cut the ribbon!
Plus, Kylie is world-famous for her “knickers” and they’ll have to put them in the exhibit. I think it will definitely be the first time that anybody’s underwear is going up on display in a major art museum!
Now, not that I’d ever want my underwear on display, but maybe if Sunset Heat gets really big, the Smithsonian can have my Missoni bikini or something?
Christmas isn’t exactly the best time for me because my parents are always fighting. At last count I think I had three stepmothers, one stepdad, one step boyfriend, five step siblings in various stages of wretched, and two parents who still can’t get over each other despite their various marriages and affairs and whatever.
So on Christmas, I usually have Chinese food and a movie.
And yeah, it’s by myself.
Pretty sad, huh?
But here’s the weird thing. Today Jenny texted me. Really the first time since Eva’s Christmas Party Disaster. It’s in all caps cause it’s like a historical event by now. She texts me and she goes “Hey I know Christmas is bad for you. Want to come to my family’s house on the Upper West Side? My mom makes really good martinis.”
So I’m off. I’m nervous but I figure any awkward pauses with Jenny are way better than sitting by myself watching Notting Hill for the 2000000th time. And anyway, it’s amazing to know she’s being such a good friend.
Seriously, is any guy going to be good enough for her?
Why do I look like such a goofball? Duh, because Eva put up the DUMBEST pictures of me on our new MySpace page. Message us, be friends with us, and tell Eva to change my picture before I have her banned from Pastis!
(okay, I don’t know what that means but Jenny has a shirt that says “TV On the Radio” and it’s cute. anyway, watch me on Sunset Heat TV!)
I swear it was the rum.
One second I’m talking about the new Sean Lennon album with Cory, and the next, I’m in the shoe closet hooking up with Sebastian. I really don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was the Ella Moss dress I was wearing. Maybe it was the way Sebastian grimaced when Arden asked where his paintings were displayed and I knew I had to save him. Maybe it was just because we were bored. But I swear, all we did was kiss a lot and giggle. I swear.
Of course, Eva has too many shoes, and I was leaning against her Bryan Atwood boxes and boom! Straight out onto the floor. Of course everyone saw. Jenny’s face, OMG. Not okay.
Actually okay no, it wasn’t just the rum. I really wanted to see. If it would work. If we could be, like, together. But we couldn’t, because Sebastian was SO upset about how upset Jenny is… it’s totally clear he likes her. And totally clear Jenny is gonna exile me from her life forever.
Ugh. This must be how Paris feels whenever she makes out with one of Mary Kate’s boyfriends just to get away from the paparazzi. AWFUL.
Anyway I hope Jenny still wants her Christmas present. It’s a Chanel clutch and it’s black and pink with little skulls on it, so there’s no way I would wear it. Anyway, I was really looking forward to seeing her face when she opened it because I thought it would make her so happy and she might forget about being a depressed ex girlfriend for a little bit.
UGH. What am I gonna do?